----------------------------Original message---------------------------- From: Tony Williams English SIUC Sources close to Hollywood channels report that Kevin Costner Productions have persuaded the John Wayne Estate to support another re-make starring Newt Gingrich. Michael Wayne is reportedas being highly pleased that the Speaker of the House will appear in a new version of TRUE GRIT. Already mentioned as casting possibilities are Lynne Cheyney in the role originally played by Kim Darby and Bill Bennett in the Texas Ranger Glen Campbell part. Strom Thurmond is currently negotiating for the character role of Hanging Judge Parker. This version will differ from its predecessor in containing a new sub-plot. Camille Paglia will portray Mattie's twin sister separated from her sibling Cheyney at birth and abandoned in the NEA Hotel run by Madame Jane Alexander, bell hooks, and Maya Angelou. Escaping from a fate worse than death - namely servicing the Julia Kristeva Semiotic Ballet Company, Ms. Paglia disguises herself as a boy and joins Newt and Bill. Half way during the journey, the guys discover her real identity when Bill falls from his horse on top of her. "Aw Shucks!" utters the former Drug Czar of the West. "You're really a guy after all." The reconstructed trio enter into battle against the bad people, the latter aided by corrupt sheriff Al Gore who has concealed his secret marriage to temperance campaigner "Tipsy" from Madam Jane. "Tipsy" has been campaiging against the erotic performances given in the West by outsiders Lily Langtry and Jenny Lind whom she believes are corrupting the youth of America. After a rousing battle, the reconstituted Duke's forces win again, while the female antagonists ride off into the distance to re-appear in a future sequel, BAD GIRLS II. Musical score by Mitch Miller from a recently discovered musical composition from the archives of Lawrence Welk.