I N T E R O F F I C E M E M O R A N D U M
Date: 24-Jan-1992 12:07pm EST
From: Corinne H. Smith
Dept: Audio Visual Services
Tel No: (814) 863-3104
TO: Remote Addressee ( _IN%SCREEN-L@UA1VM )
Subject: Laverne & Shirley
For some silly reason, I have the following script information from
_Laverne & Shirley_, which aired on ABC from January 1976 to May 1983.
I take credit as the compiler, but you folks can feel free to erase
it or forward the information to someone who cares!
If you remember the show, Laverne and Shirley lived in Milwaukee and
spent most of their time discussing "pertinent" problems in their
basement apartment. At a particularly key statement in the discussion,
their friends Lenny and Squiggy would burst in without knocking, and
Squiggy would say "Hello!" Well, what follows are 52 of those key
statements; each one was followed by Squiggy's "Hello!" They are
arranged by who said the original statement, and whether they were
in the earlier episodes in Milwaukee or in the post-1980 episodes
set in Burbank (sorry, that's the librarian in me). Enjoy, or not!
(Has anyone done a similar set of statements that follow the cry
"Norm!" in _Cheers_?)
LENNY (Michael McKean) AND SQUIGGY (David L. Lander) INTROS
(only 52 of them; there must be more)
Said by Laverne (Penny Marshall) in Milwaukee:
- I was a *good* tramp.
- What kind of Count would take me out?
- Everything around us is worthless.
- Something about this place gives me the creeps.
- The desert sun had turned them into raving sex fiends.
- God will send me a coupla guys bearing cash.
- As long as I don't have to touch anything slimy and
- People I never want to see again.
- Maybe he hates animals.
- All we have to do is turn into two raving idiots.
- What else would make me sick every morning?
- ...a couple of angels carrying cash.
- Nothing irks me.
- ...they'll be coming through here like termites.
- There's a lot worse things in the world than being adopted.
- Even God makes mistakes.
Said by Laverne in Burbank:
- Do you have any idea what potato salad looks like after
it sat out all night?
- I hope I never see another wienie.
Said by Shirley (Cindy Williams) in Milwaukee:
- How romantic -- two people with holes in their heads.
- Nothing can depress me when I put my mind to it.
- The next man you meet is gonna be your Mr. Right.
- I want him to be the kind of man who takes my breath away.
- The first hairy thing I see, I'll leave.
- The way we look, who would want to ask us out?
- What kind of cheap pathetic freeloader would stow away on
- There is nothing more despicable to me than this place.
- You marry a guy with a square head, no neck, and hair on
his thumbs, you know what your kids will turn out
to look like?
- Some guys are just natural gentlemen.
- The apartment's crawling with grime and grease.
- Those sausages are less than attractive.
- Jails are for murderers and perverts.
- Nobody wants anything that's been chewed up and spit out.
- There are some people in this world you just don't touch.
- God has created so many miracles.
- Let's not let anything else spoil this evening.
- We could discover the next Everly Brothers.
- What kind of an idiot would start a rumor like that?
- ...something awful, something horrible, something absolutely
- This has to be the most disgusting thing that's ever
happened to us.
- ...nothing but stupidity.
- ...our garbage or other smelly leftovers.
Said by Shirley in Burbank:
- Oh dear, I hope this doesn't leave an ugly stain.
- Go on -- let all the ugly skeletons out of the closet.
- We are just this far away from meeting the idol of
every American housewife.
- There's worse people we could have as neighbors.
Said by Edna Babish De Fazio (Betty Garrett) in Milwaukee:
- ...when low-life crawls into his place.
- Quit complaining -- you could look a lot worse!
Said by Edna Babish De Fazio in Burbank:
- Just the way our customers like 'em -- lean and greasy.
Said by Charles Fister Craine (actor unknown) in Milwaukee:
- I can make the next person I see a star.
Said by Carmine Ragusa (Eddie Mekkka) in Milwaukee:
- I hope they're not in any kind of trouble.
- Just when you least expect it, love walks in the door.
Said by Rhonda Lee (Leslie Easterbrook) in Burbank:
- If you keep fighting, you're gonna wind up a rough drunk.
- My type is tall, rich, with an air of continental
- Just like a pair of dependable old shoes.
Corinne H. Smith
Penn State Audio-Visual Services
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